January 2, 2015

my brain is out of focus.

i have a dozen books stacked up on the table. books i thought i’d read during the holidays, but of course, i didn’t. no surprises there. it’s a (bad) habit. perhaps, one i ought to get rid of this year. i always carry a book when i am traveling. i think i will read it on the bus or the train or the airplane. but i don’t or rarely do. even then, i still carry one. maybe i just need it as a companion of sorts. or to pretend that i am busy ‘reading’.

it snowed for three days here after Christmas but by New Year’s day, the ice was all gone. now it’s plain windy and occasionally, rainy. i will never be satisfied with the weather, wherever i go. i will always have something to complain about it. i am going to accept that that’s just me.

one does need to accept things.

‘tricks’ need to be accepted as intentional working ‘methods’. for instance, blogging is not procrastination but a creative exercise for my artistic practice (which is true, sometimes). cooking unnecessarily at odd times of the day is also not procrastination but a space for thinking (which is also true, sometimes). we all work differently and to admit how one works is quite difficult because one feels silly about it and thus, does not want to appear silly around other people. but taking a walk or staring at clouds can all be methods. now, only if they would bring my brain back into focus.

happy new year 2015.

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