it’s been a while…

not the Staind song, but it has been a while since i wrote anything here. my head has been all over the place – literally. and i now am suffering from TINNITUS! what is that? ah! it’s the ringing in your ears that you get after going to a loud concert or was too close to a bomb blast or…u get it… i guess, i was standing a tad way too bit in front of the speaker at the Naya Faya gig in Jazz Upstairs, some time back and so i ended up with Tinnitus in my left ear. It feels very psycho. I thought it would go away the next morning but well, it’s been sticking around faithfully and whenever i’m surrounded by silence, my left ear goes ‘teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……….’ it is annoying and i still haven’t visited the doc.

i had some holi drawing ideas but i couldn’t get around to making them because holi was spent at gangalal hospital and om hospital. after a week at the hospital, bajai is now home…recovering from pneumonia.

life is so fragile – that’s what i had in mind when i watched kids hurl plastic bags of water from roof to roof, attacking and retreating to fill their buckets and bags. outside the emergency of gangalal hospital, we were waiting – all strangers yet with something binding us. i was sitting between families, forced to listen to their conversations — echo, xray, mri, hereditary problems, bad dreams of burning bodies, medicines, extra activity fee for kids in school…observation. patients breathing in with their mouths wide open under their transparent masks, oxygen was hovering in spaces between..or that’s what i’d like to imagine.

everyone was sitting under the shade but i let the afternoon sun soak me and take away all my emotions. leave me with nothing – no tears or fears. my jeans were burning me like the mayos soup i had for lunch. i’d looked down into my bowl, not wanting to notice or to be noticed. i scooped every spoon of that salty soup even as it burnt the insides of my mouth. i gulped down what was left of my cold tea and headed back – quietly, my shoulder still wet from the lola that hit me outside the hosptial gates. phupu came with her pink manicured nails. pink and perfect. she would need them to hold her tears from rolling down her cheeks.

everything and everyone it seemed, was trying to escape.


2 thoughts on “it’s been a while…

  1. hope ur granny is better now. naya faya… they are so damn good noh? i just saw them once and i loved them. the ear ringing thing OMG…. tell me about it. i suffer from that too! the doc had told me to avoid loud music or playing instruments. do u get dizzy too? its the worst.

    • well, for one..i’m glad it’s not just me (hahahahaha) but yes, i feel/share the pain now. :-( haven’t felt dizzy but then even if i take off my glasses i get dizzy hahaha…hmmm…but naya faya is great!!

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